The Talkin Song Repair Blues - Alan Jackson
n-He shook his head and said: This ain t good;
Your timin belt s done shrunk one size too small;
And those spark plug wires are a little too long,
And your main prodsponder s nearly gone;
Your injector ports are stripped, and that ain t all...
...Your torque converter s runnin low on torque,
And that water pump s nearly down a quart;
We caught it all in time, so you re in luck.
He said, I ve got the time, and I ve got the parts,
Just give me the word, and I m ready to start;
I think we can bring her in for-uh, eight-hundred bucks.
But don t be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny;
It won t take too long, it ll just take money.
Then he said, Aren t you that songwriter guy?
n-I said, Yes I am.
He said, So am I.
He set down and played me a song by the grease rack;
When he finished singin he gave me a smile,
And I closed my eyes and pondered a while;
n-he said, What do you think?
Now don t hold nothin back.
Well I gave him my most sorrowful look,
And I said, This song s got a broken hook;
n-I can order you a new one from Nashville, but it won t be cheap;
And I know you ve been using a cut-rate thesaurus,
Cause your adverbs have backed up into your chorus,
Now your verse is runnin on verbs that are way too weak.
But don t be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny;
It won t take too long, it ll just take money.
n-I said, Hold on friend,
Now I m not through;
I hate to be the one, to give you this news,
But your whole melodic structure s done worked itself loose;
It s got so many dotted eighth notes in it,
I d keep her under fifty beats per minute;
I mean, that s just me talkin , it s really up to you...
... n you ve got a bad safety problem,
With that dominant chord, with the augmented fifth,
Just see how dangerously high it raises you up;
So just go on over and work on my car,
And I ll sit here by the fan, and chances are,
I can straighten this thing out for eight-...uh, nine-hundred bucks.
But don t be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny;
It won t take too long...
You guessed it...
It may be a hit...
I like it!
